Quiet Desperation
by Danjo3
Summary: A Gunslinger Girl fan fiction


Authors note: I am not a writer so I promised myself I would never do this, but I just could not resist. Hope you enjoy.

**Quiet Desperation**

A Gunslinger Girl Fan Fiction

By

Danjo3

This job wouldn't be near so bad if it weren't for all the stupid bitches I have to work with. We're supposed to be Intelligence Agents. Assassins. Yet they all run around here like giggling little school girls. They have no discipline, No dedication. They don't have the conviction I do. They lack my singleness of purpose, and as far as I'm concerned the reason is simple – they don't have Lauro. Their Handlers are weak, pathetic men who are only with Section 2 for the pay check. They all pale in comparison to my Lauro.

Lauro. My brother, my father, my lover. The one who gave me life. My reason for being.

I know the other girls talk about us, talk about me. They think Lauro is a bad person because of the way he treats me. They think that just because he doesn't treat me like a little fucking kid, he doesn't lover me. They're just jealous. Jealous of our relationship. They don't know him the way I do. I don't need him to spend his free time with me or buy me a lot of useless dresses and toys. I'm not a goddamn child and I don't need a babysitter. Sure, I would like it if he spent time with me, but I also know how busy he is working for our Fratello. Working for me. That's the reason he doesn't want me around distracting him. What they see as neglect, I see as affection. Yes, Lauro hits me from time to time, but it's not to be cruel. It's to prepare me for what I'll come up against in the field. Padania isn't going to hug me and take me out for ice cream. Every thing he does, he does because he loves me. Why can't they see that?

The other Fratello's are a fucking joke. Rico is nothing more then a two-bit, brain dead sniper. She snipes because it's the only thing she can do without fucking up. She's as dumb as a box of rocks and so doped up she can't even remember her own name half the time. Hell, I could out shoot her on my worst day and sniping's not even my specialty. Jean is the only Handler I can half way stand because he doesn't play all the little kissy face games the other assholes do. Too bad he's stuck with a piece of shit like her.

Angelica is even more worthless then Rico. She spends all her time in the Infirmary. She's constantly bitching and moaning about all of the physical problems she's having. I swear it's something new everyday. What a bunch of crap that is! She's nothing but a whiney little coward trying to get Marco's sympathy. I don't blame him for blowing her ass off. If she had any balls at all, she would get out of that bed and back on the line. I have absolutely no patients for that kind of weakness.

And then there's Treila. The Princess they call her. Queen of the bitches is what I call her. Everyone thinks she's so fucking perfect. Even when she screws up (which is all the time) they fall all over themselves trying to make her feel better. I'm so sick and fucking tired of hearing about her. Triela did this, Triela did that, Triela had the most kills again last month. Fuck Triela! And her Handler Hillshire has got to be the biggest pussy here. She smarts off to him constantly and he let's her get away with it. If I were in his shoes, I'd slap the dog shit out of her. It makes me sick the way she runs around trying to convince everyone she hates him when they know damn good and well she doesn't.

I could almost tolerate Claes since she keeps her nose out of other peoples business and her mouth shut, but she pals around with Triela so that automatically puts her on my shit list.

And then there's Jose and his girl.

Two days ago we went on a mission with them. It should have been simple for me. Sit in a bell tower and put a bullet into the head of a corrupt Police Chief. It was standard stuff, but for some reason I didn't feel right. Even now I can't say exactly what was wrong. I glanced over at the other Fratello. He had his hand on her shoulder, whispering sweet nothings or some such bullshit. It was then Lauro yelled at me.

"Henrietta! Pay attention!"

He had never had to say that to me before. I was completely rattled, but I tried to pull myself together. My hands started to shake.

"Henrietta, the safety is still on!" he said.

I felt myself coming apart. Felt the buzz of panic in my head.

"Jose, switch with Henrietta," he said, "she's not concentrating."

"No, Lauro I'm fine," I pleaded, "I can do it!"

Jose pushed me back. "Sorry, Henrietta."

I can't find the words to discribe how I felt. I had failed to carry out the mission. I was ashamed, disgraced. I was unworthy of our Fratello. I was unworthy of Lauro. He left the tower and called me useless. Never a truer word spoken. As we loaded up the cars, I couldn't help but hear those two talk.

"You did a fantastic job, Elsa." he said.

"Thank you, Jose." she said.

"What would you like for a reward?"

"Oh no," she protested, " making you happy is reward enough for me."

"Ok then," he said, thinking, "how about I reward myself and take you along?"

She giggled like the little bitch she is.

This evening, as always, I sit alone in the chow hall. I have a salad and some iced tea but no appetite. All I feel is fear and anxiety burning into me. I haven't seen Lauro since the mission and I'm scared shitless. Scared he thinks I really am useless. Scared I'll never see him again. I pray he comes back to me… I'm so scared…

The chow hall is crowded tonight, but as I said, I always sit alone. No one here likes me. It never used to bother me when I knew I had Lauro, but now I don't know what I have. For the first time since coming to the Agency, I really need someone to talk to, but of course, there's no one.

They come in. Jose and Elsa. They're laughing together at some private joke. They fill their plates at the buffet and sit at the table next to mine. They're chattering away like a couple of fucking idiots. Jose is the most boring son of a bitch that ever lived, but Elsa hangs on his every word like he was Shakespeare.

"Elsa," he asks, "what do you say we go out for dessert?"

"What did you have in mind?" I can hear the flirtation in her voice.

"Whatever you want." he says.

I suddenly feel tears start in my eyes and my throat contracts. I run from the chow hall and back to my room. I lock the door behind me and sit in front of Lauro's picture, tears streaming down my face.

"I'm sorry, Lauro," I cry, "I've betrayed you again!"

And I did. For a second time. I sinned against him… with a thought. It wasn't my fault, I didn't mean for it to happen. It came into my head against my will. It made me want to put my pistol in my mouth. It was a terrible thought.

A very simple thought: _What would it be like… to be Jose's girl? _

**The End**

This story was inspired in part by Emperror's forum topic concerning switching the girls Handlers. Just my take on how different things might have been.


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